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Special Edition, April 1, 2002 |
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Stephen Pape |
Email: Speak to me. |
Surgeon General Report-"Roads with bumps and potholes Saves Lives."While making a visit to Glenn Heights, the US Surgeon General, announced that roads that have deteriorated to the point where most cities would "plow them under" actually have been found to save lives. City officials were praised for the invaluable assistance they have given to helping the entire nation come to this conclusion. The common thought prior to today, was that poor roads were a bad thing but this announcement is sure to have cities across the nation rethinking their budgetary commitments to road repairs. Research is still coming in that supports the conclusion that roads with major holes and bumps actually slow traffic to a point that even head on collisions leave only a scratch on vehicles. The General added: "The potential savings nationwide if all cities would implement a road non-repair schedule like yours would allow for the creation of a new government agency." Congress is expected to begin hearings on re-allocating Federal Highway Funds for more important uses in the name of saving lives." This announcement is sure to make Glenn Heights famous.
"Neighboring Cities to Pay Glenn Height's Legal Fund; Pledge to Pay Judgment as Well."In a surprise move, DeSoto, Cedar Hill, Lancaster, and Flower Mound made simultaneous announcements Monday that they were joining together to reimburse the City of Glenn Heights for the legal fees, Judgments, and interest incurred from the Stone Creek/ Sheffield lawsuits. All four cities made specific mention of the precedence that would have been set if Glenn Heights taxpayers had to pay the cost alone. In their identical press releases they each stated: "The taxpayers of a City should not be forced to pay for development rule changes made in the middle of previously approved developments. This is a burden that should be shared by the tax payers of all cities." Glenn Heights officials expressed relief that they would not be held accountable for their actions and called an emergency meeting to determine if changes could now be made to any current building or development projects in the City. A spokesman that asked her name not to be divulged said, "On behalf of all citizens in the City that do no have anything or think they never will, this is a great victory for government. Business people, rich land owners, and people with more than one car should not be able to enjoy the freedom to avoid the effects of rule changes just because they are involved in completing a building or development project." Developer Sheffield welcomed the announcement, stating "At least this way I will get my money. Without the support of the surrounding cities, I was fearful that I would not see any of the money the City has been ordered to pay." He went on to say: "I question the wisdom of their decision, but from my experience with cities, I'm not surprised at anything." Sheffield added: "I hope to get my money before they all change their minds." I wish you a happy April Fools Day! Hope you have enjoyed your day.
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